Revenge on Rollins
by devotedwriter11
Summary: Summary is listed at the beginning of Chapter 1 in the writers note. It wouldn't fit here.
1. Chapter 1

**SUMMARY**

 **"Amanda Rollins is a great detective with a tainted past. Little does she know it's about to become her present. She's being hunted and no detective will ever see this coming. She always risks her life for the job, but what happens when staying alive becomes almost impossible?**

 **Patton is back and the only thing he wants is to bring Amanda down. She made him lose everything, his job, his reputation, his life as he knew it. Even though Amanda didn't testify he still holds her fully accountable.**

 **Her life is crumbling around her with every breath she takes. Once word gets out, her team will do everything to save her. One detective, Nick Amaro, will do anything and everything he can to save her and get his old job back. How will the team get one of their own back? Will they get Amanda in time or will revenge be a body best served cold."**

* * *

First chapter of my first fanfic. Read & review please! Enjoy! :)

* * *

Chapter 1. Old Habits Die Hard

Amanda's POV

My thoughts were fading as my blood alcohol level kept rising. Drink after drink my thoughts kept getting worse. Tears fell from my burning eyes, staining my cheeks and white blouse. My rock left, Nick's really gone. My phone rang and I did the one thing I shouldn't have. I answered it.

"This is Rollins."

"Meet me at Lover's Leap in fifteen minutes. Come alone. Your life depends on it."

"Who is this?"

The other end of the line went dead. A feeling spread through me. Shit was about to go down.

'Who was that? Why is my life depending on me meeting this person? I won't call Fin, this person asked for me specifically.'

With my stomach in a twist, I finish my drink and make my way to my destination. I walk south, knowing exactly where I'm headed. As I'm walking I hear footsteps behind me. I turn around only to see an empty sidewalk.

'I'm freaking myself out. Get it together Amanda. You can do this.'

I continue walking, wiping my sweaty hands on my pants. Nerves are high, and my judgement is cloudy. I have a bad feeling about this. My phone rings, out of the blue. I shut it off and stick it in my pocket. I walk across the leap to see a black shadow.

"Good girl. You know I don't take no for an answer."

The hair on my neck stood up. I know exactly who is standing there.

"Deputy Chief Patton?"

"Not Deputy Chief anymore. You took that from me, now I can take something from you."

"What do you want?" He got uncomfortably close to my ear.

"I want you to suffer like I had to, but that's all in due time. I'll see you around, Amanda. You know I will."

He walks away as I stand there in shock. I start to walk home and think about what he had said, what he had meant by it. Was he going to go through with whatever he was conjuring up or was this a scare tactic to get a reaction from me?

As I arrive home, I walk down the hall to my door and hear noises coming from various rooms in my apartment. I start to panic and then I hear Frannie whining and clawing at the door.

"Frannie Mae, you scared me half to death. Does somebody gotta go potty? Huh? Huh? Let's go, girl." I grab Frannie's leash and hook her. Even though I'm still a bit jumpy I take her for our nightly walk anyway. As we make our way down the street, headlights sneak up from behind. My stomach drops and I automatically thought of Patton's words.

'I want you to suffer like I had to, but that's all in due time. I'll see you around, Amanda. You know I will.'

It was like his words were playing on a loop inside my head. He was getting to me in the worst way and he knew it. My nerves settle slightly as the vehicle passes. A teenage girl and her friends, it looks like, are jamming out in the car. I laugh under my breath at how silly I was acting. I pulled my phone out, only to remember that I had shut it off before meeting up with Patton at Lover's Leap. Pushing the power button, my phone buzzed to life, revealing that I had a numerous amount of missed calls from Fin. I redial his number. He wouldn't call eight times if there wasn't a case. I turn around, taking Frannie Mae home. This was going to be a long night and I refused to bring my "business" into the mix. I can handle Patton. I just need to figure out how.

"Fin, it's Rollins. What's going on?" I was hanging up Frannie's leash while listening to Fin's rushing breath on the other end of the line.

"We got ourselves a rape victim. Name's Victoria Grace." Fin answered, clearly trying to look for something.

"Where is she? I can meet up with you and we can go talk to her?" I locked up the front door, heading down the sidewalk.

"Naw, Liv's on her way to come get you. You two will go together, I'm gonna go inform Victoria's parents and get them down there." Liv pulled up as he stopped speaking.

"Ok, we'll meet you back at the precinct." I hung up, slid the phone into my pocket, and got in with Liv.

"Hey Amanda. We have a victim at Bellevue. Her name's Victoria Grace. I don't know the full story yet, but she sounds pretty beat up."

"Yeah, Fin was filling me in on that when you pulled up. I told him that we'd meet him back at the precinct after we got done at the hospital."

"Well, let's just hope this case doesn't get any worse than it is now. I know we are all running low on sleep and energy." We pulled into the parking lot of Bellevue and went right to the nurse's desk.

My badge was resting on my waistband, shining brightly, letting everyone know who I was without words.

"Excuse me? We are looking for Victoria Grace. We got called about a rape victim. Which room is she in?" I asked as Liv looked at the sign in sheet.

"Yes, Victoria Grace, room three eighteen." The blonde nurse replied with a smile.

'Who smiles about a rape victim? You have no idea what it's like. Unless you're smiling to be polite, but that nurse didn't look polite at all. ' I thought. Liv and I walked down the hall to the elevator and pushed the button for the third floor. The doors closed and Liv let out a tired sigh, rubbing her eyes.

"Liv, if you wanna go grab a coffee from the cafeteria, I can go talk to Victoria. You look like you need some caffeine."

She gave a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, sleep deprivation making itself known.

"Thanks Rollins. Do you want one? I can grab it for you if you want it. I'll be there any way. Then I will meet you up in Victoria's room?"

"Sure, mocha with a shot of espresso. I'll pay you back."

The doors opened and Liv stayed in the elevator, waiting to go down. I got out and turned to the left. Liv was right, it had been a long day, well week for everyone. It seemed that we got case after case after case. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my job, but when you get tired, you feel it. Pushing my grogginess out of my mind, I walked into Victoria's room.

"Hi, Victoria? I'm Detective Rollins with the Special Victims Unit. Can I ask you a couple of questions?" I stood by the bed, awaiting an answer.

"Yeah, I mean if it will help catch him then I'll tell you anything you need to know." Bruises covered her face, her knuckles torn. She tried to fight him off, she wasn't strong enough.

"Did you get a good look at the man who did this to you?" I pulled out a little notepad to write down any information she may have for us.

"It was dark, his voice was a deep and raspy one, like he smokes. He had dark blonde hair and couldn't have been over his early thirties."

"That's good, Victoria. What else did you notice about him? Did he have any tattoos or piercings? A birthmark? Any scars or something that you remember on his skin?"

"He had a dragon tattoo on his left forearm. I'd remember it if I ever saw it again." Her eyes began to tear up.

"Victoria, I know it's hard, but I'm gonna need you to tell me what he did to you." I could feel my heart racing. I know what she's been through. The trauma, the suicidal thoughts, the feeling that you're no longer worth anything. I've felt it too.

"I was walking home from work. I work at the Broken Chain Diner on Fifth and Maine. I took the shortcut through the Community park when I felt someone follow me. I turned around to see if it was my friend Anthony, but it was him. It was the rapist. I tried to run, I really did, but he caught me, covered my mouth, and threw me down. I tried to scream, but he had some kind of cloth in my mouth. I hit him a couple of times and then tried to crawl away, but each time he'd hit me and then tell me that if I tried to get away again, he'd leave me bleeding to death for people to find tomorrow. He undid my jeans and ripped them off of me. He held my throat to keep me pinned down and then he raped me." Her tears flowed effortlessly and I knew that feeling too. She had just relived that traumatic scene over again in her head.

"Victoria, I'm so sorry. I just need to know a few more things and then I can leave you be. Did he wear any cologne? Was there any scent that you might remember?"

"He wore either cologne or aftershave, but it smelled expensive, like he was a CEO or a high end business man. And his eyes, his eyes were piercing like he could kill with looks."

"If I bring in a sketch artist, can you describe that tattoo to him?" I closed my note pad and tucked it away. She nodded as she wiped her tears away.

"What tattoo?" Liv walked in looking more alive than she did an hour ago.

"Victoria remembered that the suspect had a dragon tattoo on his left forearm and wore either expensive cologne or aftershave." I said, looking at Liv.

"Do we wanna bring in an artist?" Liv took a drink of her coffee.

"She said that she could describe it to one, so we'll get him or her in here as soon as possible.

Victoria took my hand as I was walking away.

"There are more girls. He was talking about them while he, um…"

"Raped you?" Liv added, sympathy coating her voice.

"Yeah, two others that he mentioned. Natalie Rodgers and Stephanie Portman, I think." Victoria yawned, but I knew she wasn't going to get any sleep for a few nights.

Liv and I walked out and got in the elevator, preparing to leave when my phone buzzed again. I looked down to see a number I didn't know and one name came to mind. Patton.

'Meet me by the docks. Come alone, Amanda. I don't take no for an answer.'

My thoughts ran wild and my body seemed to freeze.

"Amanda?" Liv stood outside the elevator, looking worried.

"Sorry, I must have spaced out." I got off the elevator and went back to the precinct. I wasn't a pawn in Patton's game. I didn't meet with him just to show him that I wasn't his puppet anymore. I'm Detective Amanda Rollins and I'm not afraid of him.

At the precinct, Fin was writing on the whiteboard and Carisi was on the phone.

"No, we are not commenting on this story at this time." Carisi hung up the phone and rubbed his eyes, making the bags under them worse.

"Fin, we've got three victims now. Amanda told me that there are two other girls that the Victoria mentioned. They're Natalie Rodgers and Stephanie Portman. Let's track them down and get them down here, ASAP." Liv went into her office and hung her jacket up, rolling her sleeves up, and making her way out to the rest of us.

Carisi's desk phone rang and his expression was shocked.

"Okay, okay, thank you."

"Got anything Carisi?" Fin asked.

"That was one of our victims, Miss Stephanie Rodgers. She's coming in to talk and give us all the information she has about this perp." Carisi and Fin looked right at me.

"Are you alright, Amanda? You look pale." Fin walked over to me.

"I'm fine. I promise."

"Naw, something's up. Come here." He walked me to the interrogation room. "Now spill it. Something's up. You've been spacing ever since you got here. That ain't you. Talk to me."

"I can handle it, Fin. It's nothing." I tried to walk away, but he knew me better than this.

"If it's nothing then you wouldn't be shaking like a leaf. Now talk to me or I can get Liv in here to notice the alcohol on your breath. We both know you don't want that." His chocolate eyes bored into mine.

"This stays between you and I, got it?" I asked.

"Yeah, now spill it." Fin laid his hands on the table, looking at me in that big brother way. Fin would always be there for me and I knew that. I just felt selfish because he's always there to help me. I was used to going solo and now there is someone that actually gives a damn about me, a whole squadron of them.

"Patton is back. He contacted me twice so far." I kept my eyes down.

"Amanda! How could you hide something like this?! He could have killed you!" Fin was irate right now, but I didn't know if it was at the situation or at me. He had every right to be furious with me.

"I know, but he didn't he just wants to psych me out."

"When did you first see him?"

"Fin, it's.."

"When Amanda!?" Fin was beyond irate, he was full on pissed and protective.

"Three nights ago at Lover's Leap."

"Did he threaten you? Touch you? What exactly did he say?"

"He told me that he wants me to suffer like he did, but that it was all in due time. He said that I know he doesn't take no for an answer."

"That son of a bitch! Amanda, do not go anywhere near him and tell me when he contacts you again."

"He contacted me in the hospital elevator. He wanted me to meet him the docks, alone. I didn't go."

"He's gonna get pissed." Fin's knuckles were white.

"He'll live. I'm not his pawn anymore."

"Hey, is everything okay in here?" Carisi poked his head in.

"Yeah, sonny boy."

"Good, because Stephanie Rodgers is here and she's ready to talk. Hey, Fin, don't call me sonny boy. You know I hate that." Carisi scowled at Fin.

"Oh sorry, Sonny boy." Fin smiled at him.

I walked out of the room and found Stephanie in the next interrogation room.

"Hey, Liv. You want me to take her?" Liv nodded at me while she was on the phone and quickly writing stuff down. I walked into the room with Stephanie, preparing myself for another sad story.

"Hi Stephanie. I'm Detective Amanda Rollins. I understand you have some information for us?" I took a seat across from her, grabbing my notepad once again.

"I feel like a victim all over again. I heard that there is a new victim. That waitress at the Broken Chain diner?"

"Yes, can I ask you a couple of questions?" My eyes took in her busted, but healing knuckles and lip. She must have put one hell of a fight up.

"What do you want to know?" She set her purse in her lap and her hands on top of that.

"I need to know what you remember about him. His scent, face, any piercing, tattoos, birthmarks? Anything that you can remember at all."

"He had a tattoo. A dragon on his forearm. He had a scar on his face like he was attacked by a wild animal. It went down the side of his neck. He smelled as if he had just walked out of a modeling venue. He smelled very high powered or expensive. He threatened to kill me if I screamed or kept struggling." Stephanie was getting emotional and you can't blame her. Her life was abruptly changed and ruined. She was rebuilding herself from the floor up.

"Did he happen to say that he was going to let you bleed out and let people find you the next day?" Curiosity was pulling at my attention.

"Yeah. How'd you know that?"

"He said that to one of his other victims. Did he do anything else to you?" I looked at her with a sympathetic look in my eyes.

"He cut me." She held up her right arm, revealing a nasty cut stitched up on her bicep."

"Is there anything else that we need to know?"

"I know who did it."

"Who did it, Stephanie? How do you know them?"

"He's my brother."

"Is he your biological brother?"

"No, he's my adopted brother. I don't know his past and I don't care, all I want is for him to be behind bars. I hadn't seen him in years and the only reason I knew he was my brother was because of what he called me when he told me to lie still."

"What did he call you?"

"He called me Stephie bug."


	2. This Game We Play

"I told you that I didn't take no for an answer. Now it's time for your punishment."

I stared at the text with a blank mind. First, how could someone be so damn heartless? Second, there are many other things he should be worried about, besides getting his 'revenge' on me. Third, if Fin got any kind of whiff of this I'm pretty sure Patton would be dead.

"Hey Fin. I need to talk to you." I tried to control my voice, but it still shook a little bit.

"Is it Patton?" Fin sounded angry.

"He contacted me again." My hands went cold and my heart beat fast, making it hurt.

"Meet me at the precinct. We are finishing this once and for all." The line went dead and more fear coursed through me than blood itself.

I walked into the precinct and my worries seemed to melt. I felt safe here.

"Where's Fin?" I asked Carisi.

"Interrogation with Liv." He said, munching on a donut and drinking his coffee.

I sat at my desk, seeing Fin lean across the table to scare the suspect of our human trafficking case. Liv was right beside Pedro Rodriguez's face, doing that 'balls in a blender' look. When she was determined and questioning someone, she looked down right vicious! Go, Liv! The interrogation room door opened and Fin looked right at me. My stomach turned making me a little nervous. I had never seen this look on Fin's face before.

"Amanda, we need to talk." He whispered sternly.

"Yeah, I know that. I was the one that needed to talk to you, remember?" I said back just as stern.

"Show me the messages. Now." Fin held his hand out as I fished it out of my pocket. I crossed my arms as he began to read them.

"You'll regret not coming to the dock."

"Answer me, Amanda."

"Go away, Patton. I'm not your pawn in this stupid game anymore."

"Little feisty there. I like it."

"You're sick and demented. Leave me alone."

"You look great today, Amanda. So great."

"Last chance, leave me alone."

"Or what. We both know I have more power over you than you like to admit. "

"Answer me, Amanda."

"Amanda Rollins….."

"You can run, but you'll never be able to hide….I'll see you around. You know I will."

"That's all of them for now." I said quietly. Fin handed me my phone and gave me that comforting hug that I'd been needing.

"I don't know what I'd do without you. Ever since Nick left, my life has begun a downwards spiral."

"We got you, Amanda. We always will."

The interrogation room door opened again and Liv had Pedro handcuffed. She handed him over to the officers in the room.

"Take him to booking. He'll love it there."

"Badass Benson!" Carisi threw his hands up in the air.

"Pipe it down, Sonny boy." Liv smiled, knowing what Carisi was going to say next.

"Not you too, Liv!" Carisi glared at Fin, who just smiled back.

"It's a tough life Carisi. You'll live though." Fin smirked.

"Okay guys. We are looking for Donald Clark. Stephanie Rodgers' adopted brother. What do we have on this guy?" Liv walked up to the whiteboard, ready to write. Carisi stood up.

"Donald Clark, lived with his mother and her many, many boyfriends, was beat as a child, and was molested by six of his mother's men by the age of thirteen."

"Good, Carisi. What else?" Liv wrote all of the new info in.

"He was convicted of fraud and shoplifting in 2003, then armed robbery and murder in 2004. He's committed a total of five rapes in the past two years. Our other two victims are currently deceased." I spoke with confidence.

Liv's phone rang and we all waited in silence.

"Alright guys, our third victim, Natalie Portmann, just arrived at Bellevue. Fin, Rollins, take care of it. Carisi, you and I will go to our perp's other victims parents and see if you can't get any new info from them."

"Natalie Portmann, arrived here about twenty minutes ago?" Fin spoke at the front desk.

"Room four eighty-three." The male nurse spoke, keeping eye contact with Fin.

"Thanks." I walked to the elevator, not really wanting to hear another story about rape, about someone's life getting wrecked. It was sad and it re-victimized the victims who were starting their hard recovery.

"Natalie? Hi, I'm Detective Fin and this is my partner Detective Rollins from the Special

Victim's Unit. Can we ask you a few questions?" Fin walked around the bed.

"I never wanted it. He forced me to!" Her tears instantly flowed down her cheeks, hurt falling with them.

"Natalie, I know it's extremely hard, but we need to know what he did to you." I took her hand and sat beside her. Her tanned face was bruised and cut in a few places. Her arms were scratched and a few nails were broken.

"I was walking home from Seasonal Request Holiday Store and I felt someone following me. I pretended that I got a phone call when he pushed me into an alley. I tried to scream, but he shoved a cloth in my mouth and slapped me. He told me that he has been watching me for days and loved my hair. I was so scared so I hit him and ran for help. He caught me and slapped me some more and then threw me against a concrete wall. He pulled my skirt up and I yelled no but no one heard me. I was a virgin! It hurt so bad and he just kept going. He told me that I felt nice and tight and warm. It was sick. My body got aroused and I felt so ashamed because he said that I liked it. I feel so disgusting. I felt dead inside afterwards." More tears fell and her grip on my hand tightened.

"I am so sorry, Natalie. Did you see anything that you would remember on him? A tattoo, piercing, scar?" Fin asked.

"He had a dragon tattoo on his left forearm."

"Thank you, Natalie." I patted her hand and then walked out with Fin. Poor girls. And to think that he got pleasure out of it made it even worse. I shivered visibly.

"You ok, Amanda?" Fin asked.

"Yeah. Just the thought of someone raping another person for their own enjoyment disgusts me." My phone went off again. Patton

" _I'm watching you, Amanda. I'm always watching. I want you to suffer like I have and you're time is almost up."_

I shoved my phone into my back pocket and got it the elevator, then the car.

"Has Patton ever contacted you again?" His voice broke through the silence of the car. I knew Patton was after me and no one else needed to get involved.

"No, not yet. I think he is getting tired of no responses." I grinned a little bit, but then it disappeared because I know he isn't done. This is just the beginning and he is having too much fun chipping away at me.

"Go get some rest, Amanda. I'll come get you in the morning." I hadn't realised that we were in front of my house.

"No, I'll drive, but thank you. See you tomorrow." Fin smiled at me and pulled away, all that was left was his red tail lights reflecting off of the black pavement.

Something was off. Frannie usually barked when I was home and I didn't hear a single claw or pant from her.

I unlocked the door quickly only to see no

Frannie waiting for me either.

"Frannie? Frannie, where are you girl?!" Panic set in, devouring my entire being.

"Looking for something?" Patton sat in my living room, Frannie's mouth muzzled.

"What the hell are you doing here, Patton?"

"You were ignoring me. What was I supposed to do?"

"Leave me alone and get the fuck outta here!" I yelled, my shell cracking under pressure.

"You are gonna do somethings for me first. Sit. Drink." Patton pointed to the chair beside him and then the bottle of _Jack Daniels Original #7._

"No."

"Cooperate, or Frannie dies." Patton smiled.

"Leave Frannie alone. Drink how much?" I eyed the bottle.

"The whole bottle. Now." Fearing for Frannie, I sat, opened the bottle, and drank until it was gone.

"There, now leave." I could feel the alcohol taking effect.

"Get the other two bottles from the pantry. Drink them both." Patton stood.

"No."

"Amanda, you know I hate being told no."

"No."

" **GET THEM NOW!"** Patton yelled. I jumped a little, but then got them and began to drink. My head got cloudy and so did my thoughts. I knew I was screwed. Patton was getting what he wanted, he wanted me dead...

"Now what?" I said, looking him dead in the eye. My vision got blurry and my body temperature began to rise.

"There we go." Patton looked pleased. Patton stood and walked towards me, pushing Frannie out of the way. He smacked me and smile devilishly.

" We're gonna have a good time, Rollins." Patton said. He had that certain look in his eye, the look of revenge. He smacked me again, this time spilling blood. He bound my hands behind my back and threw me over his shoulder. The last thing I remember was Frannie whining and running to our neighbors house. She knew I was in trouble, but help wouldn't get here in time.


	3. Patton's Punishment

Chapter 3 Patton's Punishment

I opened my eyes to see a room that was very unfamiliar to me. It smelled of alcohol pads and aftershave, not a good mix. Footsteps seemed to get closer and then his voice broke through the silence…

"You've been very bad, Amanda. You kept giving me no as an answer and you know that that bothers me. You disobeyed me; my direct orders! This can't go unpunished." Patton walked in front of me and slapped my face, making the sound bounce off of the walls. I tried to show no emotion, tried to let him know that he wouldn't get to me. If Patton had his way though, I'd be begging for death by the time he got through with me.

"Do you like beating on women? Does it make you feel good because in my eyes it makes you look like a dick!" I spit towards him. That got me another smack….this was just the beginning.

 _ **Fin's POV, unless it goes back to Amanda & Patton...Enjoy!**_

Carisi stood abruptly. "They just saw our perp Donald Clark at Bellevue. He might be trying to find Natalie or one of the other victims. Two are still there."

"Fin, Carisi, let's go get this son of a bitch!" Liv ran to the car while I called for backup. I'd go get Amanda in a few hours. Poor girl was drained. Ever since Nick left, she's been taking double shifts and staying really late, only to be right back her early in the morning. She needed her rest.

We all sped towards the hospital, praying that he wasn't going to do anything stupid, but then again our suspects/ perps always did.

We ran into the main lobby, guns pulled, and back up ready. There was only two ways he would be leaving, in a body bag or in cuffs. Maybe in a body bag cuffed. Who knows. We did searches on every floor, being very cautious not to miss him. Out of the corner of my eye, on Victoria's floor, I saw a figure run. I looked to see that it was Clark, obviously taken by surprise that we were here.

"There he goes!" I ran after him, seeing in in the elevator as the doors closed. Me and three cops dashed into the stairwell to get this piece of shit. Adrenaline pumped quickly through my veins as we reached the roof top.

'Aww shit, he's gonna jump! Body bag it is, I suppose.' I thought.

"Donald Clark! Step away from the ledge! Now!" Liv yelled. I hadn't realised that she followed us.

"You don't understand! None of you ever will." Donald looked over the edge, traffic still going steady."

"Get off the ledge and then we can talk." I tried to help coax him down, but I had a feeling that it wouldn't work. Clark pulled a gun and held it to his temple. He was going to die either way and he was going to make sure of it.

"You guys will just arrest me and then I'll go to prison. No one will listen!" He yelled.

"Then talk now. You have all of our attention." Liv spoke gently.

"If she wouldn't have let them do the things they did, I wouldn't be her. I'd be a good person. She made me do it! All of it!" Clark began to cry.

"Who is she and what did she do?" I asked.

"My mother. Ever since I was little, my mom brought guys home. They always wanted sex."

"Your mother sold her self out?" Liv asked.

"Not her, me." Donald shook his head in denial. ""There's no getting out of this.

 _ **BANG!**_

With one shot his life was over, never to breath again. He chose a bullet and a twenty story drop as his way out. That's what he got, never owning up to his crimes. We all headed back to the precinct to do paperwork and Amanda hadn't called me yet. It was near eleven and there was no word from her. Then again, she told me she was going to drive so maybe she did some errands first.

"Where are your manners, Amanda? You used to be such a good girl for me." He spoke as blood dripped off of my face.

"I'm nothing for you anymore." I looked him dead in the eye.

"We'll just have to see about that, now won't we?" He smiled and pick up a bottle of whiskey. He took a big drink and held it out to me.

"I don't want any." I turned my head away.

"You'll drink when I tell you to drink." He grabbed my face.

"Go to hell!" I spat. He struck me with the bottle, thrusting glass into my face and cleansing my other wounds with the alcohol. The burn was unbearable, my mouth letting a scream out.

"No one can hear you. No one even cares." He left the room and didn't return for a few hours. While he was gone, tears fell from my burning eyes. This was the only time I would show emotion, show the pain I was really in. I wish Nick was here. He would know what to do, know how to save me, help me, love me again, but he wasn't and he never would be. His smell filled my memory and his laugh made my tears fall faster. I'd loved him and now I'd never see him again. I was so stupid to yell at him before he left. He must think that I hate him now. I remember the fight like it was yesterday.

 _ **Flashback to Fight…**_

" _ **You're just gonna up and leave your team, your life here, me?" I yelled.**_

" _ **She took my kids from me, that was my life, Amanda! You can't expect me to stay just for you. That would be like asking me to put my hand on a hot burner. I won't do it because both are stupid!" Nick yelled back. I knew he didn't mean that, but the sting of the words already set in, making me tear up.**_

" _ **Then leave, because you know what? It's stupid to love something that you can't have."**_

" _ **It's not that you can't have me, you don't deserve me right now! You're an emotional mess!"**_

" _ **Wow Nick, you might as well take a searing hot blade and drive it through me. That would be less painful."**_

" _ **That would be a waste of a good blade…" He spit back.**_

" _ **Get out, Nick. I won't be here if you come back."**_

" _ **Good, maybe this city will be a little bit better off. At least they'll get a cop without an alcohol addiction that can do their job right." And he was gone for good…**_

 _ **End flashback…**_

My heart sank. I knew we had both said some hateful things, but that didn't make this any easier. I heard footsteps and let my tears fall. I couldn't be strong anymore. I was ready to see death, but Patton would never know that.

"Don't cry. This will all be over soon enough." Patton punched my face over and over again.

"Good…" I sobbed.

"Hey, Liv, has Amanda contacted you at all?" I stuck my head in the door.

"No, what's up?"

"She was gonna drive to work this morning, but no one has heard from her. I'm gonna swing by her place and check it out."

"Okay, let me know what you find out." LIv's office phone rang and I was already gone. The initial drive from work to Amanda's was about ten minutes give or take one.

I pulled up and walked up to her door, knocking and hearing no reply, not even Frannie. Something was up. I stepped inside and did a quick search.

"Amanda? Frannie?" All I got was silence.

I picked up my phone, dialing a familiar number.

"Fin?"  
"Hey Nick, has Amanda spoke to you today?"

No, why?"

"She didn't show up for work yet, didn't know if she spoke to you."

"Nope, nothing yet. I've been waiting." Nick sighed.

"Did she tell you that Patton had been contacting her?"

"What the hell! No she didn't."

"Nick, I think something bad has happened."

"I'm on my way…" His line went dead. I dialed a new number.

"What is it, Fin?'

"Liv, Amanda's been taken and I think I know who it is."

"Who?"

"Patton"

"That son of a bitch.." And two lines went bead….


	4. Rollins' Beat Down

Chapter 4- Rollins' Beat Down

APOV

"Patton, just kill me. We both know you want too." I spoke through swollen lips and blurry vision. One of my eyes was already swelled shut.

Three smacks later I got my reply.

"Where's the fun in killing you now? I like playing this game, with you." His smirk grew. He was getting off on this.

"My team will find me and when they do, they will kill you." I spoke with pain.

"Oh, they won't find you anytime soon. We're moving to a different location." Patton walked to the other room and brought back with him two bottles of Whiskey.

'Great, more alcohol. What next? Gambling? Haha.' I thought, but maybe I shouldn't have thought that at all. It was like he read my mind.

"What are you gonna make me do? Chug em?" I laughed under my breath.

"No, something even better. I'm going to make you take a shot everytime you tell me no. Now how about we take a break and have a little celebratory drink? Shall we?" He knew that I would say no to him. It was a lose lose situation in my book.

"No." I spoke firmly. He looked at me with fire in his eyes, raised his hand with a bottle, and cracked it right on top of my head. I blacked out. I was gonna die. My life was gonna end at the hands of this monster. I had to be strong and tough it out. I couldn't let him bring me down.

' stay strong, Amanda. You can do this. Yes, he's turning you back into an alcoholic, but your friends will help you back out of this.' My reasonable side stated, but my un reasonable side totally disagreed.

'Friends? Is this chick serious? Your friends, well mainly Nick, don't give two shits about you. He said so himself! You can't honestly think that he's gonna save you do you? That would be the BIGGEST mistake that you could make, letting those thoughts pollute your mind. Face it, you're gonna die here.'

 **Back at the precinct- NPOV**

"He's gonna kill her isn't he?" I asked setting my bags down, not just an overnight bag, but my "moving back to New York" bags. I looked at everyone's faces, clouded and distraught. He had my girl, the one I really loved, but pushed away in the end.

"Welcome back, Nick. Everyone, let's brief Nick on this bastard." Liv rubbed her temples and headed for the coffee and doughnuts on the opposite side of the room. I followed Fin to see several pictures taken of Amanda's house, destroyed. The first warehouse she was at had blood all over the place it seemed. Judging by the pictures he had done quite a number on her. Empty whiskey bottles polluted the floor, strands of blond hair strung everywhere in a circle on the floor, tape with her lip prints on the floor and her badge, laying lifeless.

"Nick, I know it's hard, but we have to focus on getting her back." I heard Fin say in the distance. I tried hard to focus on him, on the case, but my mind traveled to a different place, a different conversation with Rollins…

 **Flashback to convo…**

"He's got two warehouses, one on North Maine and one by the tunnels. He hardly ever uses them, but when he does we track his phone's GPS for the time period he was there. Saves a lot of time, even lives." Amanda said, turning in her report on a jumping suicide victim.

"It's quite efficient, Rollins. Good work." I smiled at her, putting my coat on to go meet with my vic at Bellevue.

"Something tells me, he's gonna use 'em soon." She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. There was something she wasn't telling me.

 **End of flashback…**

"I know where she is!" I ran to a computer, typed in Patton's name and phone number and low and behold, a red dot indicating his location showed up by the tunnels. Liv dropped her coffee and the whole squad ran out of the building and got in police cars, following me. I sped towards the tunnels, dead set on killing this bastard.

 **APOV**

My face dripped with many different fluids, tears, blood, saliva, sweat, but my confidence and determination never wavered. Though I blacked out many many times, I still knew what happened around me. It was like my senses became enhanced somehow. I can't really explain it but I knew something was 'helping' me in a way.

If I had one final wish…...I'd wish for Nick to be here. Punch after punch was hitting me, but I had become so numb from major blood loss that I no longer felt it. I fell, still tied to the chair, to the floor totally unaware of what happened next. All I knew was that I was gonna be one sore motherfucker for the next few weeks, if I survived that is. A constant ring was in my ears and all I wanted to do was just fade away into a state of bliss, a state of happiness and no worries, a state that had no pain and nothing could tear me down, a state where it didn't matter if I never made it through this or not…..


	5. Strange Voices

_AN: Thank you guys so much for the amazing reviews I've received! Sorry for the late update guys. I've been trying to think on how to tie this chapter in with Nick and Amanda seeing each other again, but it was harder than I thought. Anyways, here's a new chapter! Don't forget to leave me some reviews! You guys are awesome!_

Chapter 5: Strange Voices

BPOV

Panic, fear, anger, revenge, bloodthirsty.

All of these emotions filled me to the brim.

'If he hurt Amanda I'm gonna spend about ten minutes alone with the prick and only one of us is walking out…' I smiled at this thought. Crap, I've been around Voight too much and he's starting to rub off on me. Is that such a bad thing though? _No, no, no, no! Focus on getting Amanda back and then you can fantasize about 'Law Breaking Voight 'DAMNIT FOCUS!_

Nick came to a sudden stop in front of a grimy looking warehouse and everything was silent. _The calm before the storm, Benson._ I quickly got out and told nick to stay there. He couldn't go in because he would make a B line for Patton, granted if he were here.

"Nick, stay out here. I don't want IA in here on you because you'll go for Patton's throat. They'd have both our asses on a gold platter and I'm more of a silver kinda woman." I pulled my gun and signaled for Fin to follow me.

Nick's expression turned agitated, but it was for the best.

"Liv, I need to see her." He spoke.

"You need to stay here." I stated more firm.

"I'm coming with you! I need-"

"Stay out here or I will cuff you and force you too. Don't get in my way, Amaro." I growled. _Damn, you got a temper...shit. Calm down there, Bad ass._

Fin and I walked towards the entrance with the back up we had called earlier. Gun at the ready, back up with us, Fin by my side, let's roll.

APOV

I heard footsteps that sounded like they were in a tunnel, close but far away. Was he back? Was he gonna seal the deal? Was I ready to die? The pain all over my body screamed for death, but what about my team? How would they react? The doorknob shook and twisted as darkness consumed me once more, my favorite state of peace at the moment.

"AMANDA!" I heard the scream, but the darkness made it seem so far away and my body just wanted to get swallowed into the darkness and never return, to be absorbed into oblivion. _Yes, death, I beg you. Swallow me and take this hurt away. 'Bring me into a place where my life doesn't seem so...so...so hard and miserable. Please, just let me take my last breath. I'm ready.'_

The darkness was warm, welcoming to my arrival again. I felt like I was floating and nothing could touch me. Was I dying? Am I already dead? ' _Who the fuck cares. This is what you wanted, right? Be careful what you wish for.'_

No, I had to wake up. I had to fight my way back to life because deep down I knew that I would be okay. A tear rolled down my face and then brightness consumed me. What was happening? I heard a faint beeping noise. Was it one of Patton's ways to abuse me? I shivered. ' _Open your eyes and find out for yourself. You'll never know if you don't look. The worst thing that it could be is you still trapped in that hell hole with the most meaningless fucktard in the world.'_

I tried to pry me heavy eyelids open, to see what was before me, but they were too heavy. The beeping was getting louder and then…..my eyes shot open. Where the hell was I? It smelled of alcohol wipes and disinfectant. _A hospital! I was in a hospital! Someone found me?_

The door creaked open and a nurse was peeking around the heavy wooden door.

"You're awake! I'll be right back!" She was beaming. She came back with the Doctor and he checked my vitals and what not.

"You've taken quite a beating, Miss Rollins." She stated. ' _No fucking way? Really? I had no idea EVEN THOUGH I WAS THERE!'._ My subconscious was not very happy, but then again I hated hospitals. I only had one question?

"Who the fuck brought me here?"

"Amanda, the Doctor is just doing her job." A familiar voice spoke and my body froze. _Nick?_

I looked over to see the whole team there. The next words just leapt out of my mouth.

"Get the hell out of here, Nick." I looked him dead in the eye.

"Amanda, I-" He stood.

"GET OUT!" I yelled.

"Why?" He looked like I had just slapped him and I really wanted to.

"Amanda, I called him to help us look for you." Fin spoke.

"Well, he can care for me now like he did before he left. Go ahead Nick, rip my heart out again and leave. That's what you always do and I'm not so sure I wanna let you back into my life right now. I'd like you to leave."

"I'm so sorry." Nick picked up his bag and walked out of my hospital room.

"Sorry doesn't cut it this time. The only reason you came back was because I was missing. That's the only reason, Nick. If I was fine in my apartment you probably would have told Fin that I'd be alright. You're just pretending that you care. Now go!" Tears were falling on long hot streams down my cheeks. I was so mad, all of my emotions in a scrambled state.


	6. Little Bit Stronger

Chapter 6: Little Bit Stronger

APOV

 _Why did Fin invite Nick back here? Did he know about the fight that Nick and I had? How would I tell them or even Nick what the Doctor just told me? Why me? How? I'll have to figure this out._

 _ **Flashback to Fight…**_

 _"_ _ **You're just gonna up and leave your team, your life here, me?" I yelled.**_

 _"_ _ **She took my kids from me, that was my life, Amanda! You can't expect me to stay just for you. That would be like asking me to put my hand on a hot burner. I won't do it because both are stupid!" Nick yelled back. I knew he didn't mean that, but the sting of the words already set in, making me tear up.**_

 _"_ _ **Then leave, because you know what? It's stupid to love something that you can't have."**_

 _"_ _ **It's not that you can't have me, you don't deserve me right now! You're an emotional mess!"**_

 _"_ _ **Wow Nick, you might as well take a searing hot blade and drive it through me. That would be less painful."**_

 _"_ _ **That would be a waste of a good blade…" He spit back.**_

 _"_ _ **Get out, Nick. I won't be here if you come back."**_

 _"_ _ **Good, maybe this city will be a little bit better off. At least they'll get a cop without an alcohol addiction that can do their job right." And he was gone for good…**_

 _ **End flashback…**_

I shiver at the thought. His words sliced through me and honestly hurt more than Patton's beating extravaganza. How could Nick think that I had put that in the past and just let it go. Seeing his face brought it all back...every fucking word. A knock on the door pulled me out of my thoughts.

Liv's beautiful face peeked around the door. "Are you up for a visitor?"

"Come on in, Liv." I sat up, wincing as my ribs cried in protest.

"How are you doing. I know it's been a few days, but I can't imagine what he put you through." She grasped my hand and just knowing that her and Fin would always be there for me made this so much easier.

"I'm freaking out, Liv. I don't know what to do. I need you advice." Hot tears rushed down my face and Liv instantly wiped them.

"Amanda, what's wrong? I'm here for you, always, you know that right?" She pulled me in for a quick hug.

"I don't know what I'm gonna do, Liv! This is….I don't even know how to feel about it."

"Amanda take a deep breath and just let it out. The sooner I know the sooner I can help in anyway possible." Her brown eyes held signs of hope, comfort, and eternal friendship. I had to tell her, to tell someone. Here goes nothing…

"I'm pregnant." More tears rushed down my face, staining the skin temporarily. She looks as shocked as I feel. Am I even ready to be a mom?

"I don't know whether to give my apologies or say congratulations. When did he force himself on you?" She looked down at my hand and then up to my eyes.

"Force himself on me?" I was appalled at her question.

"Patton. When did he force himself on you?" She picked a piece of hair off of her pants and let it fall to the floor mindlessly.

"He didn't. It's Nick's." I covered my face with my hands and sobbed harder than I ever have before.

"When did this happen?" She took my hands down from my face and held them in hers.

"Nick and I got together three days before he left. Then his wife called and all of this started. Nick left, Patton came back for me, I was force fed alcohol, which should have killed it the Doctor said, and it was miracle it didn't. Liv, I'm scared. I don't know what to do."

"Nick has no clue does he?" She pulled me in for a long, comforting hug. Another knock came and made my body freeze instantly. _Is it Nick?_ Fin came in and saw me crying.

"What's wrong, baby girl?" He sat on the opposite side of Liv. She looked at me and I could tell she needed caffeine of some sort.

"Liv, go grab a coffee, you look like you need it." She gave me a grateful smile and quietly left. I knew she'd be back, but she left in the meantime to give me and Fin some privacy.

"Fin, I need your advice. I'm really scared and have no clue what to do or say or anything." He rested his hands on his thigh and looked me in the eye.

"Amanda, you can tell me anything, you know that. I'll keep your secrets until my last breath. You know this." He gave me a smile that reached his eyes.

"Thanks Fin, and I know. Just try to keep an open mind and it's not about the first person you'll think of." I took a calming deep breath and he waited anxiously.

"Amanda, what is it?"

"I'm pregnant." I don't know why, but I was scared to tell Fin, I guess it's a big brother kinda thing.

"Nick's?" His eyes were hopeful, knowing what situation I was just in he would go ape shit.

"Yeah. What should I do? I'm so mad at Nick right now because of our fight and I just need someone to tell me that it will be okay. To be there for me every step of the way. To be my rock right now."

"Well as your big brother, co worker, and best friend, I think that you should keep it. I know you and Nick are going through some deep shit, but you gotta think. How will you feel if you terminate this pregnancy or give it up for adoption, just because you guys had a fight. That's a human life in there and once you terminate it, there's no going back, baby girl."

He had a very good point. Could I just wipe out this baby and not feel guilty or upset about it, just because Nick and I aren't technically speaking? I would feel down right horrible and in fact probably worse than I do right now.

Liv popped back in with two coffees and a banana orange mango smoothie. I was glad that I had these two, and hopefully sometime in the future Nick too, but right now I had so much on my plate. She handed me the smoothie and Fin one of the coffees. The nurse has arrived to check me over and probably check out the baby again. I was not going to terminate this baby. If I have to I will raise he or she alone. Be the mom and the dad. I could do this...right?

"Let's get the OB/GYN in here and we'll see just how far along you are." She smiled and walked out.

"Whatever you choose, baby girl, Liv and I will be here for you with or without Nick." He hugged me and sat in the armchair beside the bed.

"He's right, Amanda, we will be here for you. Through thick and thin." She smiled and hugged me too.

"Thanks for the smoothie, Liv. It's oddly refreshing and delicious." I gave her a smile and the OB/GYN walked in.

"Good morning, Miss Rollins. I hear that congratulations are in order!" I couldn't help but smile back at her. Her smile seemed to be infectious.

"Good morning and thank you." I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

"This might be a little cold. Just try and stay as still as possible and we'll get you some results. Would you two mind leaving the room. Since we don't yet know how far along she is we will have to do a vaginal sonogram."

"We'll be right outside if you need us, Amanda." Liv smiled.

"Actually, Liv, would you mind staying? I don't wanna do this alone."

"Of course." Liv walked back over to me and Fin waited outside. I felt bad for making him leave, but I'm more comfortable around women when my nether regions are exposed.

"You'll feel some pressure, but just try to relax." I did feel pressure indeed, but remained relaxed and still.

"You're doing good, Amanda." LIv held my hand and we both looked at the screen in anticipation.

"There we are." She froze the screen on a little blurry speck.

"Is that it?" I asked

"Yes. That is your baby. You're about four weeks 's way too early to identify the sex of he or she yet, but it's about the size of a grain of rice. Do you have any questions?"

"How did my current situation of being abused and forced to drink numerous bottles of alcohol not terminate it? I mean, don't get me wrong, but I'm just confused."

Her look was calm. The nurse must have filled her in on my previous encounter.

"Your baby right now is extremely tolerant. My guess is that as you ingested the alcohol and your stomach rejected it that very little got to the baby. You're still very lucky." She printed out the sonogram picture and handed it to me.

This is going to be the best and the scariest time of my life. All thoughts of Patton were now pushed out of my head. I was slightly excited, but there was still one thing I had to do…..Tell Nick...


	7. On My Own Two Feet

Chapter 7: On My Own Two Feet

APOV

"Are you ready to go?" Fin helps me gather the rest of my hospital items and put them in my clear bag. I tucked my sonogram picture into a family photo album that Liv had bought me.

 _I'm going to be a mother. Me a Mom…_

It's hard to wrap my head around this all. I'm gonna be a mom and I'm scared shitless, but also happy about it.

"Yeah, just gimme a sec." I put my water cup in the bag and then head towards the door.

"Your body already knows you're pregnant. Look at your hand." Fin smiled. I looked down to see that my hand was comfortably resting on my stomach. _Huh, would you look at that. I haven't even gotten use to it and yet, my body is already used to my little invader._

The drive to my house was a comfortable one, but I yearned to go to work. _SHIT! The house was a mess from my attack!_

"Great." I muttered under my breath.

"What's great?" Fin asked eyeing me.

"My house is a complete mess from the attack. So much has happened and now I have to clean the beginning of this situation." I rubbed my temples to try and calm down because too much stress isn't good on the baby.

"I'll help you clean up. Help you take a load off. I'm staying over for a few nights anyway." Fin was amazing. He is so helpful and just a great guy all around. He needs to find himself a girl, but I'm gonna be protective of him. After all, he's done so much for me and I still haven't repaid him.

"Thanks, Fin. You're amazing you know that?" He smiled and my phone rang. It's Nick. _Great, this is the last thing I need right now is baby daddy drama and he doesn't even know I'm pregnant!_

" _ **Hello?"**_

" _ **Hey, Amanda. I honestly didn't think you'd pick up."**_

" _ **Do you need something, Nick?"**_

" _ **Can I come over later to talk? I feel horrible about our fight and I really wanna make up."**_

" _ **Be there by 5 or I won't be there."**_

" _ **By 5, alright. I'm here now."**_

" _ **You're already there?"**_

" _ **Yeah, I'll see you here."**_

" _ **Bye, Nick."**_

" _ **Bye, Amanda."**_

We pulled up to my house and something felt very off. I grabbed my bag from the backseat and warily walked up to the front door and fumbled with the, now broken, lock and door handle.

Upon walking inside, everything was pick up and put away neatly, the whiskey bottles were disposed of and the broken glass was picked up.

 _What the hell is going on here? Did Fin already come and clean?_

" _Did you already clean up?" I smiled at Fin and he put his hands up like I was accusing him and he was defending himself._

" _Nope, but they did." His smile got even wider. I turned around to see Liv, Carisi, Munch, Cragen, and Cabot there with a welcome home sign and Frannie._

"You guys!" _And there goes my pregnancy hormones._ Tears started to fall and then Nick showed up, when he already claimed to be here. Ugh, men. I'll try and be civilized, but I'm still pissed. I have good reasons to be!

"Hey, the whole gang is here!" Nick pointed out. _This is awkward. Everyone knows that they're here.._

"We need to talk later. In private, but I have an announcement." I said cooly

"Alright." Cabot handed me a glass of wine and I froze.

"Alex, thank you, but I can't have this." I handed the glass back to her.

"Did they put you on antibiotics? Is that why?" She looked confused and by this point everyone had quieted down and looked at us. _Now or never, just spill the beans._

"No, um...Hey everyone! I have an announcement to make really quickly, well two actually." I felt like I was gonna pass out and my hands got clammy.

"What is it, Amanda?" Cragen still had that gleam in his eye. I miss him as a captain.

"Well for starters I'm moving. After the attack I don't feel safe here anymore so that's the first thing and the second is….I'm pregnant." I felt the blood drain from my face and my blood run cold.

"Did Patton do this to you?!" Nick yelled, furious.

"No, Nick…..you did."

"Did you get pregnant to try and tie me down with you? Did you do this on purpose and then have Patton come take you and beat the crap out of you because you knew I didn't want you anymore, so you devised this whole plan to bring me back here?!" I thought he was mad to think it was Patton's but now he's even more furious. Does he seriously think that I did this on purpose? Do I honestly seem like that kind of woman? Then he thinks that I devised this plan with Patton ,of all people _?_ He shook his head and for a second I thought that he was happy, but then he turned, grabbed his coat and left.

 _He walked out on me, on us._ My subconscious was running wild with this that just happened. Did he really just act and speak like that in front of everyone? How embarrassing… Everyone remained extremely quiet and it was getting too uncomfortable.

"I'm so sorry, guys, I didn't know he was going to react that way." Tears fell once more today. Was it just gonna be me and the baby? Alone? I was upset and then I became beyond mad. I was pissed.

"It's alright, Amanda. It's not your fault. Nick is, well I don't really know and I'm not gonna make excuses for him. His actions were uncalled for. Especially putting you on the spot like that, but in other news congratulations, Amanda. You'll make a wonderful mother." Cragen said as he walked forward and hugged me.

"Don't let party pooper ruin your welcome home party. I'm sure you're hungry, let's get you and the little one some food." Fin guided me over to the breakfast bar and I looked upon the variety of food. The smells were a little gut wrenching, but I am pregnant..

"Where are you gonna move to?" Carisi asked.

"I'm looking at a three bedroom apartment on Lincoln Avenue." I smiled at Carisi, who handed me a glass of sparkling cider.

"Hey, you'll be close to me then." Fin smiled. I smiled knowing that everyone here still had my back. It just hurt to see Nick leave like that, but then again you can't lose something you never had, right?

Frannie Mae was by my side wagging her tail in a very excited motion. I squatted down to see her and she rubbed her snout on my stomach. Even she knows and is already used to it. She's my girl.

"I think I'll just feel safer knowing that I'm closer to you guys. I mean this place is not where I want to raise a baby. Especially after what happened here." Everyone nodded in agreement and seemed pretty excited for both things. Everything is happening. I'm gonna have a baby and a new apartment, okay so it's two things but still, they're new to me.

"Oh you have to let Liv and I throw you a baby shower!" Alex exclaimed, catching everyone off guard.

"And I could go with you to help you register for everything." Carisi spoke up and I smiled. Even if Nick wasn't going to be here for the baby I know that everyone here will be.

Even without Nick I'm still going to have a baby and even without him this baby he or she will still have a close family. Maybe this isn't going to be so bad after all...maybe, just maybe.


	8. Chapter 8: Change Is Good

Chapter 8: Change Is Good

APOV

I woke up and wiped my eyes. Today Fin and Carisi would go with me to check out the apartment I had requested to see and then register for the baby. I know it's not really fun for guys, but Liv is in Chicago working a case with Voight and Alex is in court most of the day, so it's just us.

"Hey, Amanda, it's time to get up. I'm making breakfast and smoothies." Fin was my lifesaver. He was always there for me and no matter what decision I make, he's always there for me. I pull myself out of bed and decide to take a quick shower. Grabbing some clothes and a ponytail I make my way to the bathroom. I smell the waffles cooking and it makes me queasy. I run to the bathroom and dry heave since there's nothing to throw up. And so it begins….motherhood. I smile at the thought and climb in the shower. The hot water loosens all of my kinked muscles and I totally relax. Today was gonna be a good day. I could feel it. I was so happy and now waffles sounded amazing, with some honey and dates. My mouth instantly watered. I got out, dried my hair, got dressed and threw my hair into a ponytail after blow drying it.

"Let's do this." I looked at myself in the mirror feeling very confident all of a sudden. I walked into the kitchen and Fin was waiting for me.

"There she is!" He stood and gave me a morning hug, which was very soothing. My phone rang in the bedroom. Nick's picture lit my phone up, bringing back all of the anger before. I ignored it, mainly because I had waffles calling my name at the moment on top of all the anger. I brought it to the kitchen with me and sat down for breakfast.

"Sorry, Nick called and I really don't want to deal with him at the moment. It's just added stress that the baby and I don't need."

"It's okay. You gotta do what's right for you and the little one and if that means no Nick, well, I'll still be here for you to help you with whatever you need. Diapers, formula, baby wipes, anything. If you need a sitter, want some company. You know I'll be here for you."

"I can always count on you Fin. You're amazing." I took a bite of waffle and just about died. They were so fluffy and sweet that it was like heaven. A knock at the door pulled me out of my day dreaming state. I went to get up and get it, but Fin stopped me.

"Ah ah ah. you finish eating. I'll get it." He stood and opened the door to let Carisi in.

"Well, hey guys." He smiled huge, like there was no place he'd rather be than in my old house with Fin and I.

"Hey, pull you up a chair, grab a waffle, and enjoy yourself." I said before taking another delicious bite. My phone rang again and it was the realtor.

" _ **Hello?"**_

" _ **Hi, this is Sherri calling for Amanda Rollins."**_

" _ **This is she."**_

" _ **Good morning, Amanda. I have some very good news for you this morning. As you know we'll be meeting at Eleven and you wanted to see the apartment complex on Lincoln Avenue. is that correct?"**_

" _ **Yeah, the three bedroom."**_ I couldn't help but smile.

" _ **Well, I have some amazing news for you. On the form you filled out in my office for your dream home, a four bedroom, two bath, and full kitchen, has come available recently. I hope you don't mind, but I booked you a showing for that one at Eleven thirty."**_

" _ **That...that's great! Thank you so so much! I'll see you at Eleven."**_

" _ **I'll see you then. Have a great day Amanda."**_

I walked back out to the guys with a huge grin on my face.

"What was that about?" Carisi asked.

"So we are seeing two places today! Fin, do you remember the one I was telling you about before the attack; the big four bedroom, two bath?" I am beyond excited!

"I've always wanted to see it! Damn, I'm excited to see it now!" Fin grabbed me into a hug as gently as he could. There was something about how he looked in my eyes and I looked back. There was something there, something deep deep down inside me started to come alive. Do I like Fin more than a friend and brother? Is this just hormones? _No, you like him. He's already twice the dad Nick could ever be. Admit it, you have feelings for him and you didn't want to feel them until now. He doesn't have to step up and be there for you and the little one, but he chose to. That says something, right?_ Holy shit! My subconscious was right. I think I have feelings for Fin and the only way I can think to go about these is to sit him down and talk to him about it. That makes my nerves edgy only thinking about it.

"What time do we have to be there?" Carisi asked, breaking us apart.

"Um, eleven. What time is it now?" I looked at the microwave clock.

"It's already ten thirty. We have to get ready and go." Fin said, releasing me reluctantly.

"I'm just gonna go get dressed." I turned to go to my bedroom, closing the door behind me. I stripped off my shirt and shorts, turning to grab some jeans and a t-shirt. I stopped by the mirror to fix my hair and looked at my belly from the side. _There's a human in there and soon I'm gonna show. I'll have a baby bump._ I became breathless. I put my jeans on and grabbed my shirt. I brushed my teeth and grabbed my shoes. My life is changing and I see that change is good. It's scary, but only because I don't know what's gonna happen…..

We pulled up to the first place we are seeing, the apartment complex on Lincoln. I got out and greeted the realtor.

"Hi, you must be Amanda."

"Hi. I hope you don't mind, but I brought a few friends to help me look around.."

"That's totally fine. Are we ready to get started?" Sheri smiled and I nodded.

We walked in the front door and down a little hallway, turning to the left. Upon entering the apartment we were in the kitchen. It was biggish for an apartment but the cabinets and counters were all mismatched. It was a small detail, but I still didn't like it. The living room was a very decent size, but had carpet stains all over it, from pets it looked like. The bedrooms were all three equal sizes, but seemed dark with only one window in each room.

I was finding multiple things wrong with this apartment and I just wasn't sold on this one. Keeping an open mind we headed to the house she told me about this morning. My phone rang showing Olivia's picture invaded my phone. I stepped aside to answer it.

" _ **Hey Liv, how's Chicago?"**_

" _ **We shot him, not by choice, but he went out suicide by cop."**_

" _ **Who got shot and who shot them?"**_

" _ **The perp that raped Stephanie, Victoria, and Natalie. He was doing the same thing to girls over here in Chicago and Voight. He tried to kill me first and Voight shot him."**_

" _ **Really? I thought it was Donald, until he jumped. Who is it?"**_

She took a long calming breath.

" _ **Patton."**_ She seemed to hesitate and hold back, but this was my job, what I live for.

" _ **Why Chicago of all places?"**_

" _ **His ex wife was here after the divorce to be with her mom. She died of breast cancer and along the way he targeted more girls that looked.."**_

" _ **Looked like what?"**_

" _ **...you…"**_

Holy shit! Was she for real right now? My head began to spin as my mind tried to wrap around this. He was targeting girls that looked like me to do what, get revenge?

"You okay, Amanda? You look like you've seen a ghost." Carisi walked over with Fin.

"The perp on the case. It's...its...Patton. He was doing it in Chicago, tracking his ex wife, but then found girls that remind him of me and getting to them. It's his own form of revenge and I'm the laughing stock." I was breathless, tears running down my face.

"Wait you said 'was'; what do you mean was?" Fin asked.

"He went out Suicide by cop. Tried to kill Liv and Voight got him in the chest."

"Damn, should we celebrate?" Carisi asked.

"No, let's go look at the final place."

We drove a few blocks over and a couple streets down and arrived at my dream house. The one I dreamed of living in as soon as I arrived here in New York. We parked and I got out and rushed up to the front door, clearly excited.

"Hold your horses, baby girl. You gotta calm down." Fin smiled at me.

"I can't contain this much excitement though." My cheeks began to hurt with all of this smiling.

"Well, then let's go see a house!" The realtor exclaimed.

We walked into dark hardwood flooring and light amethyst colored walls. It felt like a family home already.

"Can I go look around?" I asked, practically vibrating across the floor in excitement.

"Feel free. I'll be down here if you have any questions." She smiled and I was off! I bolted up the stairs to find an office and the guest bedroom along with its own private bathroom. It seemed that all the flooring in this house was the same deep colored hardwood, except for the bathroom. It had it's own eggshell white tiling and canary yellow walls. It just fit right together. Back downstairs I went into the kitchen to see an island and real marble counter tops, black cupboards and the same hardwood that got me in the first thirty seconds I was inside. The master bedroom was connected by a doorway to the smaller bedroom, or the nursery. I giggled looking at the room and visualizing the baby's crib and then hearing little pitter patter of feet running all over the house with those contagious child giggles. The master bedroom was light blue with the deep hard wood and seven windows! Yeah, seven! The current king sized bed was included as well as the deep colored dressers. The master bath off to the left was yellow as the one upstairs and the same flooring.

I wandered into the baby's room and it was a light green with the same flooring as ours. _Wait, you just thought the words 'ours'. Who is the other person? Nick? Hell no. After the way he acted, fuck that. Fin? Big brother I've got a thing for you, Fin? Yeah, I like the sound of that!_

"Hey, what do you think?" Fin walked in and pulled me in for a hug.

"I like it. I think it'll work well for us."

"Us?" Fin asked quizzically.

Me and the baby." I raised an eyebrow and smiled.

"I thought you meant me and you." He smiled back down at me.

"That could easily be arranged." I hugged him tighter.

"Could it now? You mean I'm not the only one with these feelings towards you? The big brother little sister feelings with the I wanna kiss you everytime I see you feelings?"

 _Yes! Those feelings! The ones I'm feeling right now! The ones that make me want to lan up and capture your lips with mine right fucking now!_

"Yeah." I spoke breathlessly.

"Well can I?" He asked

"Move in? I mean if you want too."

"Alright, but I was talking about kissing you." His smile got even wider.

 _God yes! Just kiss me right now, take my breath away and make me fall for you harder, dammit!_

"Yes."

I closed my eyes and our lips met in this one pure blissful kiss. Our first one, but certainly not our last….


End file.
